I sold my car over the weekend. It was a difficult decision at first, but I talked to lots of family members about it, and it just seemed like the only rational decision to make. I’ll be gone for 9 months, and I hope to find another teaching contract when this one is completed. If I leave the car sitting around it will only lose value, and if everything goes the way I hope, then I’ll have no use for a car in the states.
The buyers showed up to give me a check and take the car. I didn’t expect to have this sinking feeling. No turning back. My decisions are becoming reality! I mean, it’s no big deal, right? I’m going halfway around the world to live with strangers who don’t speak English! I’ll be teaching for the first time in my life, with no experience, and very little training! And the students won’t understand a word I say! I must be crazy! right? The situation makes me so excited I can hardly sit still! I’m terrified, but also ecstatic! I’m giving up the comforts of living in the U.S. to explore a new profession at the age of 50! I’m moving to a poor country with a recent history of war, and political strife! Journalists do this kind of thing all the time, and maybe that’s why I’m so excited! I want to explore my passions for writing, music, photography, travel, language and cultures that very few people get to experience in their lifetimes. Lately my attitude has been terrible. My lack of opportunity in the states, all the mistakes I’ve made in my personal and professional life, along with a myriad of resentments.
Now I have a genuine opportunity. To find a new horizon. I want to push myself to new limits of discomfort, and find a fresh resolve. I need to get in touch with my own brand of spirituality, which I consider to be the opposite of materialism. Humility and helping others is not real popular in American society. We’re all locked up in our houses. We greet our next-door neighbors with loads of pretense and small talk. Sell my car? Oh, the horror! How will I survive without it? Happiness without a big house, two cars and a comfortable retirement fund? Impossible!…right?
I rode a bike to work today. I smiled sincerely at everyone on the street. The mother who was taking her 3 small children for a morning bike ride, the joggers and the dog-walkers. Friday is my last day at work, and then I’ll need to shop for teaching supplies, thermal underwear, box up all my belongings for storage, and take a trip south to see my parents before I leave.